How Do You Know When Your Ex Is Trying to Get You Back

This is the ultimate guide for determining the signs that your ex boyfriend wants you back.

And I want to be clear about something.

This is NOT your average "signs my ex wants me back" post.

Yes, I will be talking about the key signs to keep an eye out for but you're also going to see me going outside the box and talking about signs that you wouldn't quite expect to be included.

As always, every sign we discuss on this page is based on our real life success stories.

These are the 18 real life signs that your ex wants you back after a breakup.

You are getting consistent meaningful responses
You learn that your ex is pretending to be over you
You learn they aren't coming back because they are scared
Your ex grows jealous
They begin to exhibit unconscious signs of interest
They use pet names from the past
You are at a place emotionally where you let them go
Dramatic mood swings from positive to negative back to positive
They want to rush the process
They reach out to you more than you reach out to them
They start wanting to plan ahead to the future
They use a form of reverse psychology
They like or comment almost every one of your new social media posts
Their nostalgic reverie begins to show
One of your mutual friends lets it slip that they still have feelings for you
They come to your rescue every chance they get
They literally tell you that they want you back
They've been excessive about reaching out to you during no contact

Let's talk about each of these in-depth.

Sign #1: You Are Getting Consistent MEANINGFUL Responses

Let's fast forward to the texting phase after a breakup – generally speaking, there are a few things that can happen when you get into a text conversation with your ex.

Your ex can respond or not respond. If they do respond, their response can be long or short and usually fall between negative, neutral, or positive categories. It's time to really analyze your conversations with your ex and ask yourself where it's going.

Are you having meaningful conversations?

After all, there's a difference between an ex sending unengaged one-word replies like "cool" or "awesome" and them actually being engaged in a conversation with you.

One-word responses aren't exactly indicative of a meaningful conversation so you need to see both the word count and actual context of your ex's responses to see if they're meaningful.

In a meaningful conversation, your ex will truly listen to what you have to say and then build off that and hit the ball back to you.

It should be this seamless ping-pong game where you both match each other's energies and the conversations get deeper and more meaningful.

So, if you're consistently having meaningful conversations with your ex, it's a great sign that you are connecting with them on the level that you need to for them to come back.

Sign #2: You Learn That Your Ex Is Actually Only Pretending to Be Over You

In this case, your ex still wants you back but they're a little too afraid to acknowledge that fact in public. Here a few things that might indicate that you're in this situation:

Your ex refuses to do an item exchange

It's pretty common to leave stuff over at each other's place (or even share a living space) if you're in a relationship so when you break up you will need your things back. Usually, that conversation and meeting go by pretty quickly and your ex will let you take everything that's yours.

However, if your ex keeps avoiding the conversation and refuses to set a date for exchanging items, there's a high chance they are not ready for the closure that follows that meeting yet. They are still literally holding onto parts of you and want to continue to see you.

Your ex tries to rile you up on social media

Let's say your ex deletes all of your pictures from their social media except one. Why would they do that? If they were so over you, why bother? It's because they know you'll be paying attention to their social media so they try to get a rise out of you. They obviously still care enough to hold onto a picture and they are just putting up an act to make it seem like they won the breakup.

Sign #3: You Learn the Only Reason They Haven't Come Back to You Is That They're Scared

In this situation, your ex wants to get you back but they're scared to breach that invisible wall and fully recommit to you. Here are a few signs your ex might still want you but is too scared to directly say that:

Your ex mentions they've never had a connection like the two of you have

If your ex says things like "I've never told anyone this before" or "no one understands me like you do", there's a high chance they want you back but are just too scared of that leap of crossing the psychological barrier and being back in an exclusive relationship.

Your ex starts seeing someone new, but still talks to you more

If your ex has "moved on" to someone new but is still talking to you more than they talk to their new partner it's a great indicator that they are unsatisfied with their current relationship.

Why would they seek emotional support from you if their new relationship was better?

They've now realized that they had the "grass is greener syndrome" and thought they could do better than you but they were wrong.

Now they can't form that bond with anyone else and probably want you back but are too scared to say.

Sign #4: Your Ex Grows Jealous

One of our favorite success stories comes from a woman named Sarah Michelle. Sarah's story is unique because I interviewed her twice as she technically got her ex back twice.

The first time was pretty standard where her ex gave her the whole "I don't love you anymore, we're never getting back together again" spiel…and then got back with her.

In fact, he didn't just get back in a relationship with her but also proposed to her, only to break up again.

Sarah decided to go through our process again to see if it would work twice… it did, but not how she expected.

The second time around our process helped her realize she didn't want her ex back anymore and she moved on to someone else.

Her ex returned immediately after she started dating a new guy because he was too jealous to see her with someone else. He literally could not stop thinking about her.

So, if you go out on dates and see your ex getting jealous, he's probably still into you and there's a good chance he'll come back.

Sign #5: They Repeatedly Exhibit One of The Following Unconscious Signs of Interest

This is where we get deep and notice the slightest unconscious signs your ex exhibits when they're getting close to committing to you again. Here are those unconscious signs that your ex is interested in you:

If your ex leans towards you, they're attracted to you. Inversely, leaning away from someone shows repulsion.
If your ex blushes a lot when you talk about them or stories of the past.
Mirroring – when your ex mirrors your body language and behaviors.
If your ex is constantly smiling when you're out on a date

Having them reach out to you without you doing any extra work

Sign #6: Your Ex Slips and Uses Pet Names from The Past

When you're in a relationship with someone, you probably don't call them by their first name. Instead, you might use some pet names or terms of endearment like "babe", "baby", "love", "honey" or whatever else floats your boat.

Pet names are basically synonymous with relationships and they show a level of shared trust and love.

If your ex accidentally slips up and calls you by the pet name they used before the breakup, it's a great sign that they're starting to see you as their partner again.

Sign #7: You Get to A Place Emotionally Where You Let Go of Them

I would argue this is the most important thing for you to do if you want to get your ex back and it is completely beyond what everyone else recommends. Most people come at the approach of getting an ex back from strategic or tactical standpoints, e.g.

Do this thing and it will raise your chances of success. We recommend different strategies too but we've found that none of that matters if you don't have the correct mindset.

According to our success stories, the biggest mental prerequisite to getting an ex back is getting to a point emotionally where you don't care whether your ex comes back.

Now, this doesn't mean you can't still want your ex back, it just means that you've accepted they may not come back and that's okay. There is great strength in embracing this and once you get to this mindset you'll subconsciously send out signs on social media and in-person that raise alarms for your ex.

Your ex will quickly realize you're not desperate to get them back anymore and they might lose you if they don't commit ASAP. Usually, that's enough to make them act and cross that psychological barrier of asking for a commitment.

So if you want a great sign that you are close to getting your ex back look inwards toward yourself to see if you are okay with losing them.

Sign #8: Dramatic Mood Swings From Positive To Negative Back To Positive

Anyone who has read my program knows I talk about "the pendulum" a lot.

The Pendulum (in this context): Is basically when a human being moves from one end of the "emotion" spectrum to the other and repeats the process several times.

Sound familiar?

Not only do people suffering from a breakup experience this phenomenon but exes who actually want you back experience it as well.

In order to understand why we must first talk a little about the science of breakups and how the brain processes them.

(If you aren't the "science" type don't worry. I'm not either but I promise this is super interesting and important to know.)

A few years ago researchers studying the brain of individuals going through a breakup found something fascinating.

When we experience the loss of a romantic partner we may actually experience cravings for that person very similar to a drug addict looking for a fix.

In other words, if an ex is trying to get you back they will probably act erratically and display these crazy mood swings.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

"Ok, that's all very well and good but where's the proof?"

The Case Study Of Exes Who Displayed Crazy Mood Swings

So, the first case study that I'd like to introduce to you today is actually a series of case studies.

One of my favorite things that to do on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is interacting with people in our Private Facebook Group which you get an opportunity to gain access to with a purchase of my best selling book.

It's really cool because not only do I get to help people on a more personal level but I also get a lot of great information about the psychology behind "wanting an ex back."

This was really hit home during an interview I did with a success story out of that very Facebook Group.

About 12 minutes into the interview you can see us talking about the hundreds (now thousands) of people in the group who are going through incredibly difficult times.

You'll notice we were talking about this exact idea of the "pendulum swings" where a mood shifts from one end of the spectrum to the other and how common this behavior is.

Now, here's the important thing to note.

Every single person in my Private Facebook Group wants their ex back.

Hence, my statement at the beginning of this section about this being a series of case studies.

Sign #9: They Want To Rush The Process

We live in the "now" age.

I've been recently watching Netflix's "A Series of Unfortunate Events" which I'll admit is aimed more towards kids than adults but I'm allowed to be a kid sometimes.

Anyways, there's a character in the show that is obsessed with what's "In" and what's "Out."

Basically, this character wants to be a part of all the "In" trends.

It's funny to me because I am sure the author who wrote the books was making a commentary on how our society has become.

Not only are we so obsessed with what's "IN" and "OUT" but after years of coaching individuals I believe we are also obsessed with "NOW."

We want answers as soon as possible, right?

Before back in the Golden Age of the internet you used to have to perform a Google search on a big clunky computer.

Now we have all of these smart phones.

In other words, you can get answers sooner.

So, where am I going with this?

Well, if you find that your ex is trying to rush everything during the "courtship ritual" it might be a sign that they want you back.

the courtship ritual

Case Study Of Exes Who Rushed The Process

Can you do me a favor?

Can you take a look at this picture for me?

Now, without context this looks like a general success story and we have a lot of them scattered throughout this website.

But with context this success story can actually teach you something.

You see, this woman's ex came back to her in record time. In fact, I think it might be the fastest success story we've ever had.

It's pretty well known that it takes longer than 3 months to get an ex back if you are trying.

But this woman's ex came back to her in days.

It was almost as if he was thinking,

"I'm just going to break up with her and move on with my life"

Only to immediately regret that decision and think,

"What have I done? I need to get her back as soon as possible."

It's a good sign if you see your ex consistently trying to rush the courtship ritual.

Sign #10: They Reach Out More To You Than You Reach Out To Them

I think one of the things that sets Ex Boyfriend Recovery apart from some of our competitors is the fact that we encourage our clients to take detailed notes throughout the process.

In fact, there have been a lot of times where I have mentioned that it is a good idea to keep a tally of the amount of text messages your ex has sent to you and how many you have sent back.

We've even had some people on our Private Facebook Group (which you can gain access to through The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program) kick this idea into overdrive and detail everything.

We like recommending this since we feel sometimes some of the people we work with are too close to their situation to make impartial decisions.

However, if you map things out you can look at it from a very logical perspective and make the best decision without the blinders on.

Anyways, we noticed that as more and more of our clients started doing this the clients that tended to get their exes back were the ones with exes that reached out more to them than they reached out in return.

Interesting!

I feel a case study coming on.

The Case Study Of The Ex Who Can't Stop Texting

I'm big on investment.

Now, just so we are clear I don't mean investment from a monetary perspective. No, I'm talking about investment from a texting perspective.

It makes sense that an ex who texts you more than you text them is going to be more invested into a conversation than you, right?

Well, that was certainly the case for our client below,

I want you to notice how she started out kind of rough.

He wasn't texting her at all so she had to text him first to open the lines of communication but once they were open…..

Watch out because he wouldn't stop texting her.

This is a very good sign!

Sign #11: They Start Wanting To Plan Ahead To The Future

Throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery you might notice me talking about this concept of "future pacing."

Sound familiar?

No?

Well, let me give you some context. Most of the clients that I work with are trying everything they can to get their exes back.

Therefore, a lot of what I try to teach them is how to naturally build an attraction with an individual and one of the best ways to do that is to "future pace" in a conversation.

This is where you imagine a potential future together with them.

I'll give you an example.

Let's say you are talking to your ex and somewhere in a conversation with them you make this comment,

"Wouldn't it be great to go to Paris?"

Upon hearing this your ex immediately imagines you and them together in Paris.

Even though this is all happening subconsciously your ex is reframing how they view you in their head.

Well, it turns out that "future pacing" works both way .

If your ex subtly slips in "potential futures" together that is a really good sign.

The Case Study Of The Ex Who Future Paced

I have a great case study for this one.

I draw a lot upon our Private Facebook Group but that tends to be where we have the most success stories happening because that's where we spend most of our time interacting with our audience.

Also, I coach exclusively out of the Private Facebook Group so that's where people tend to get the very best advice.

A few months ago my wife was working with a woman in the group and this woman was super disappointed with how the process was going.

In fact, at one point her ex went as far as saying,

"There's no way that I'm ever going to get married."

Pretty strong words…

Anyways, after a series of interesting events her ex ended up saying this to her last week,

"I'm never getting married… except maybe to you. I'd marry you."

Do you see what happened there?

He essentially future paced the woman in our group.

He is imagining a future with his ex where they get married. Now, he didn't say it outright but these things are never that cut and dry.

Often we operate in that grey area of the human psyche.

Here's the point.

He says this to her and then ultimately gets back with her.

Sign #12: They Use A Form Of Reverse Psychology

No one really talks about this one and if I am being totally honest I would have never guessed it was a sign an ex would exhibit if I wasn't looking specifically for case studies.

And yet there it is.

Staring us all right in the face.

So, how does it work?

Well, in order to fully grasp this we have to understand how people tend to operate.

It's my opinion that we are all gods in our own minds.

We all need to feel wanted and loved by our significant others to feel satisfaction with our relationships. But what happens when we think our significant other no longer wants or loves us?

Well, that's when we start to try to do things gain that status back.

Some will fight or scream…

Others will become distant as if to say, "you need to prove yourself to me."

And every once in a while you'll get someone who decides to use reverse psychology. To attempt to make you feel as if they don't love or want you anymore.

Of course, they do this with the full intention of trying to make you chase them.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Used Reverse Psychology

Like I said at the beginning of this particular sign. I wouldn't even know this was a "sign" if it wasn't for a case study.

It turns out that, that case study was an interview I did with Mary, a client who got her ex to unblock her and eventually beg for her back.

Around the 7 minute mark you'll hear her talk about what happened when her ex reached out to her,

Her ex said some really interesting things to her,

"I need to bring your stuff back to you."

"It looks like you've moved on."

"Have a nice life"

Now, if you take all of these things at face value it appears as if her ex boyfriend was implying that she has moved on and that he was going to do the same.

Bear in mind, he really wants her back.

How do I know?

Because he literally told her he wanted her back AFTER THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER!

So, what is going on here?

Why would her ex say these things if they weren't true?

It's bait.

Consider the graphic below,

When you go fishing how do you catch a fish?

Do you just throw your fishing line into the water and hope for the best?

No, often you have to outfit the fishing line with some type of bait to attract a fish into biting.

Well, in Mary's case her ex was using these reverse psychology statement to bait her into showing some type of interest. You see, she was following my advice and utilizing the no contact rule which taps into a psychological theory called reactance.

Reactance: When someones behavior freedoms get threatened they react in a way to try to get that freedom back

So, in Mary's case by ignoring her ex by using the no contact rule it prompted a reaction from her ex to get that freedom of talking to her back.

It just so happened that, that reaction was reverse psychology.

Sign #13: They Like Or Comment On Almost All Of Your New Pictures Or Posts

As you've probably come to learn, posting on social media is an important part of the ex recovery process.

So, what happens if you notice that your ex is,

Liking all of your photos and posts?
Commenting on all of them?
Viewing your instagram stories?

Does it mean anything?

What you're really looking for here is consistency.

I've been on record many times stating that it's really not that big of a deal if your ex likes or comments on your stuff.

But that narrative changes a bit if they are doing it EVERY SINGLE DAY for EVERY SINGLE POST.

Why?

Well, think of it like this.

The one common theme that's been present so far among this list is obsessiveness.

Maybe not every single item shows an ex who is obsessive over you but many of them do.

If your ex is liking or commenting on every single one of your photos or posts it shows they're addicted to watching you.

And people often don't get addicted to things they don't have some type of positive feeling for, right?

I will say that this is maybe one of the rarest types of signs that an ex will exhibit.

After all, how many exes will actually like or comment on every single new photo you put up?

Nevertheless, we have seen it happen so be on the lookout.

Sign #14: Their Nostalgic Reverie Begins To Show

One of the big buzzwords that we've been throwing around the Ex Recovery Program recently is attachment styles.

In fact, you'll hear me talk a lot about how most of our clients and their exes tend to fall into two distinct categories.

Our clients tend to have more anxious type of attachment styles where their counterparts tend to have more avoidant attachment styles.

Now, one thing that I've made clear throughout my work here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that those with avoidant types of attachment styles do want a commitment they just don't want it if it threatens their independence.

So, what ultimately happens is that when things begin to get really serious between you and your ex they get scared since they think their independence is being threatened and they break up with you.

But they still want a loving relationship so that longing is always there.

Perhaps one of the most interesting insights into exes with avoidant attachment styles is that they won't truly begin to miss you or have "nostalgic reverie" until they feel like their is no chance they can get you back or you look like you've completely moved on.

Our program is designed to ensure that you are reaching out during this process of nostalgic reverie.

So, theoretically what's supposed to happen is that you're only reaching out to an ex when they are "remembering the good times."

This of course makes it a lot more likely to get a favorable response.

Nevertheless, what you're ultimately looking for once you have a conversation started with them is for them to bring up positive past memories.

"Hey, do you remember that time we went to that place?"

"Do you remember the way I held you on the beach that night?"

These a few surface level examples of an ex really feeling themselves.

Nostalgic reverie is always a good thing.

Keep an eye out for it.

Sign #15: A Mutual Friend Lets It Slip That They Still Have Feelings For You

It always astounds me how undervalued the sphere of influence is throughout this entire process of getting an ex back.

If you aren't familiar the sphere of influence includes people whose opinion your ex cares about deeply. Usually close friends and family members close out the sphere.

As a general rule of thumb.

The better your relationship with the sphere of influence the easier getting your ex back becomes.

Why?

Well, it kind of plays into that whole social pressure aspect but let's not get too far into the weeds here.

Every once in a while mutual friends will be a part of your exes sphere of influence and as odd as it sounds there's nothing mutual friends love more than to stir up drama.

It's usually very rare for a mutual friend to flat out tell you that your ex still has feelings for you but it has happened on occasion.

For example, I was interviewing a success story a few months ago and she told this story about how she got her first date with her ex post breakup.

Essentially her friends invited her for a night out on the town and when she showed up her ex was there.

Apparently they had set up a date between the two of them without either of them knowing it after realizing both still had feelings for each other.

So, pay attention to what your mutual friends are doing. They can give you clues on your exes state of mind.

Sign #16: They Come To Your Rescue Every Chance They Get

One of the best ways you can determine if your ex still has feelings for you or is harboring a hidden motive to reunite with you is by simply looking at how often they want to play the hero.

Perhaps our greatest contribution from a texting perspective to the breakup field has been the damsel in distress text message.

The way it works is simple.

You text your ex about a problem you are having and allow them to fix it.

Sounds pretty basic but the text message goes a little something like this.

"Hey, I'm having a pretty critical problem at work but only really trust you to solve it"

This type of a text gives your ex an opportunity to play hero again.

But again what you're looking for is consistency.

They won't just do this one time but they will do this time and time again.

Perhaps the most important part of the whole idea is that after a while you aren't having to manufacture problems. They are just trying to fix them without you even telling them about it.

This is a good sign.

Sign #17: They Literally Tell You They Want You Back

Perhaps the most obvious sign on this list.

If your ex asks for you back then there is a 100% chance that they want you back.

I don't really know what else to say past that.

This one was a late addition to the list but I felt it was important to include because I've seen it far too often to not admit to its existence.

So, how does it work?

We all know about the no contact rule and how it's this period of time where you are cutting off all communication with your ex.

I've literally written hundreds of articles about it.

I've literally filmed dozens of videos about it.

But what I haven't talked about is what it means if your ex goes crazy trying to get you to reach out to them during it.

Ok, so let's say you've decided that you want to do a 30 day no contact rule but around day 4 your ex starts calling you and doing everything possible to get you to respond.

If this behavior continues and doesn't really let up that much it might be a link proving that they still want you back.

I say "might" because it's a really tricky thing.

Just because they are reaching out to you a bunch doesn't necessarily mean you should take them back right away.

It also doesn't necessarily mean they will take you back.

Paradoxical, isn't it?

Here's what we've learned.

The more excessive your ex is about reaching out to you during the no contact rule the more likely they are to want you back.

However, pride might prevent them from doing so if you were to break no contact right away and respond to them.

So, as odd as it sounds you need to stick to our program even if you know they want you back because it is designed to get you results that can last.

Don't reward bad behavior with a response.

Don't try to take them back early because you know they want you back.

Go through the value ladder and value chain.

Do everything you can by the book and you will get a much better result from a long term perspective.

How Do You Know When Your Ex Is Trying to Get You Back

Source: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/warning-signs-that-your-ex-boyfriend-wants-you-back/